Like A Cat

Sometimes I feel like the universe has it out for me. Its sick sense of humor has landed me in a swine flu quarantine in South Korea, cost me thousands of dollars in at least a dozen driving-related mishaps and forced me into a twice-weekly upper-lip shaving pattern. I keep feeling like it's all karmic payback for the days when my short-girl-complex caused me to taunt the quieter, meeker girls at Braden River Middle School.

Still, like a cat, I always land on my feet - somehow. In my fourth title change in the last eight months, I am now Author Acquisitions Manager for Inkwater Press in Tigard, Oregon. I start on Monday. What do I do? I read manuscripts, decide whether we're willing to publish them, and offer publishing packages to the writers. We help people self-publish, essentially putting into prettily-packaged print their life's masterpieces that range from memoirs to novels to poetry collections. I think I've found a place I can settle for a while for many reasons, not the least of which is my really cool boss. But the job will also be flexible enough that I may be able to explore some things that my TV news schedule would have prohibited: volunteering for Oregon's wine harvest and becoming a yoga instructor (and maybe freelance writing about such things?). The vacation schedule is also very generous, so I'm hoping to return to Florida more often to see my east coast family, most notably my life-affirming niece, Hailey.

As you may know, I sold everything before leaving for Asia. I really thought I would be gone for at least a year, if not longer. That means it will be quite a while before I'm really back on my feet. Coleen is graciously allowing me to live with her through the end of the year, so I can make buying a car my first financial priority. I think she actually likes the company... and I like her shoe and purse collection. We've taken to making dinner together at least once a week - kind of like I asked my ex-hubby to do with me years ago. Not sure why I added that last detail, but I did.

Lastly, as more unsettling news trickles out of the Korean peninsula, I may discover my early departure from the region was actually the universe's way of taking care of me. In that case, my sparse femi-stache won't seem like such a curse.

Finding My Fortune

Lakshmi, Hindu Goddess of Fortune

(I thought I had posted this blog. It was written about a week ago.)

The blog went dormant for a bit, as I sank into a deep hole of self-doubt, uncertainty and anxiety. Yes, the real pressure of being unemployed began to sink in. How much longer would my money last? When does the goodwill of friends run out? Will my resume stand out amongst the hundreds of qualified applicants vying for jobs?

The answer to each remains uncertain. But some time between last Wednesday (when Coleen came home for lunch at noon to find me still sleeping on her couch with a Doritos bag on my chest and crumbs trailing down the same dress I was wearing the day before) and now, I have found relative peace with the situation. A few things happened: 1. I tried new yoga studios; 2. I embraced my fortune in life; 3. I pumped out a mad number of resumes.

1. Yoga: the physical practice of yoga is all well and good (it gives me rockstar shoulder muscles), but it's (and I hesitate to put this in writing) the body, mind and soul connection that makes the practice so life-changing. Truly, life-changing. I found some studios that offered reduced rate classes at special times for those of us on a budget, and now I'm back on my game. My body feels rejuvented and so does my spirit. After three straight days of classes, I suddenly realized that I'm peaceful. I can't nor need to explain why (but here are links to the studios: http://www.thebhaktishop.com/ and http://www.yogashalapdx.com/)

2. Fortune: I've said to a couple of people that I'm richest poor person out there. I'm living in a nice, modern townhome, eating amazing food and drinking good wine. Friends are buying me lunch, making me dinner, and even hooking me up with gas money. Just when I want to crawl into the abyss of self-pity over the string of misfortunes that have peppered the last three years, I have to do a real reality check. No, I didn't think I'd be divorced, jobless and mooching off of friends at the age of 30. But I also didn't realize how much unconditional love I would have in my life either. It is just coming from places I didn't expect.

3. Resumes: Coleen didn't have WiFi in her house when I moved in, so I was retreating to coffee shops for hours on end. Full of lattes and freshly baked muffins, I hawkishly searched for jobs, trying to make my resume among the first to be sent. You see, Oregon has the second highest unemployment rate in the nation (over 12%, behind Michigan), and there are hundreds of people applying for every posting on Craigslist. I was doing my best to not be lost in the shuffle. But then there's self-doubt... am I putting in enough effort? Should I be working harder? Others who've endured periods of joblessness (to remain nameless) have insisted my two-resume-a-day pace was blistering. And hopefully, it's paid off. I have a second interview with a publishing company on Monday. It would be my fourth job in a year, and hopefully the last.

Another reason for my lack of blogging is that the blog needs a new focus. I don't want it to turn into Jessica's online diary. It evolved into that as I traveled through Asia, but I think it worked because I was on such an adventure. Now, I don't want to discount myself - my life is always a wild adventure - but I simply think my blog needs to have focus. First, it was traveling. Now it needs to be something else. I'll need to roll out a new look and new mission, as soon as I decide what that should be.

No Place Like Home

How much has changed since that last posting! It is 3:37am on Sunday at Mike's house in Portland, Oregon. I am back home. I can't sleep. I have no job. I am nearly out of cash and credit.

I bolted from South Korea on Wednesday morning, leaving without notice, as advised by one of the current instructors at my assigned school. She said if I decided to leave, do it in the middle of the night. "The director is not a nice man."

I don't know what that means exactly. I just know I had a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. I also had an unshakable urge to return to Portland. To see familiar faces. To speak English. To start over - again. Yet again.

There have been so many fresh starts in the last three years: divorce. Start over. Quit TV news. Start over. Quit radio advertising sales. Start over. Quit Korea. Start over.

But there also have been some refreshing constants - mostly my friends and family. I am eternally surprised by and grateful for their generosity. For this "start over," Coleen has opened her second bedroom to me indefinitely. Mike is letting me borrow his truck. Elena and Ryan have offered their spare wing if needed. With friends so generous, I wonder why I left to begin with.

Still, no regrets. My Asian invasion - Japan, Guam, Bali and Korea - was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. I explored; I wrote; I photographed; I met new people; I learned. Now I know that I want to continue writing - not in the stilted TV news fashion that I had honed over seven years in the broadcast business, but in a way that fulfills my need to be expressive, bold and uncensored.

I will continue my Immersion blog. It will obviously need to be revised to match my environment and my situation in life. Stay tuned. There are always wild twists and turns in Jessica's wacky world - sometimes of my own making, sometimes not.

No Love for the Sex Hotel

I spent eight long days in quarantine. That was eight more days in which I waited for details about where I would be teaching, what kind of schedule I would be working, and what kind of apartment I would be living in. My school's director responded to my inquiry, but didn't answer any of my questions (his English is not very strong). The frustration was building. On top of that, I was desperately missing home while locked up in the government facility. Upon release, I was told that I would be taken to my apartment, so I started psyching myself up again for starting my new life in a new place.

You might be able to imagine my frustration, when - instead of arriving at an apartment - I was dropped off at a seedy hotel. At first I found the surroundings comical - the tacky mood lighting, the big round pleather bed and the karaoke machine. But then I started wandering around the hotel in search of a wireless internet connection and I happened upon a room with a bizarre sex chair. And when I was moved to a room with an internet connection, I no longer had a karaoke machine, but I did gain a sex toy vending machine. Turns out, I'm at a "love hotel," Korean style.

I'm not such a princess that I couldn't stay there. It seemed clean enough (although I didn't have a black light to confirm that). However, it just didn't seem like the kind of place that a reputable business person would place his new employee. I started seriously questioning whether this school was the right one for me. To really understand the situation, you need to have a better understanding of how the school operates. "Corporate" has branch schools, mostly in and around the Seoul area. It also has franchise schools across the rest of the country. Each franchise - like mine - is independently owned and managed. I had read on EFL blogs that the quality of each teacher's experience depends largely on whether they're at a branch or a franchise. And if they're at a franchise, it depends on who's running it. The sex hotel put enough doubt in my mind to send me running.

I was online, preparing to buy my ticket home, when my school's director pounded on my door wondering why I hadn't shown up for orientation with the head instructor. My recruiter apparently hadn't passed on the information that I was going home. I hadn't contacted the director directly because there's too big of a language barrier to communicate all the nuances of my concerns and disappointments. So I continued Skyping with my mother in my room, as the director remained in the foyer, calling my recruiter for an explanation. If I had a list for such things, it would be among the top five most awkard and bizarre moments of my life. I have no idea what was said to the director, but he got off the phone and begged and pleaded for me to stay...at least come by the school to take a look.

I had my heart set on going home. I was ready to see familiar faces in Portland, to communicate effectively in English, and to start searching for yet another career. I didn't even want to be tempted to stay in Korea. But I had come this far, so I might as well visit the school to try to sort things out.

And finally, with the help of the head instructor, I started being able to put the picture together of how my life would be in Korea. I would have my own classroom. I would work 4 1/2 days a week - a total of 32 hours. No weekends. I would have a loft-style apartment that's large compared to those of my colleagues in other parts of the country. And it would be cheaper than I had expected. The rest of my school's teachers would also be living in the same building. It would be a 15 minute walk to school each day. I finally had the answers I'd been asking for.

Reluctantly, I decided to stay. To follow through. To see where this experience takes me. Portland will still be there a year from now. But I don't want to return to Portland as the very same person who left. That was the sole purpose of this trip. I have found myself running from commitment at every turn in the past few years. Not this time though. At least not yet.

Quarantine In Pictures

Passing the time...

... with mattress sledding and movies in a lecture room...

Temperature checks - twice a day

My "dorm" room. It was truly like being back in college.

Freedom! Released from quarantine on Sunday, May 31st...

at 8:15 am...

the former detainees gather on the sidewalk waiting for transportation...

...some celebrating with the confiscasted contraband....

Days 5 & 6: Contemplating Home

(This post was written while in quarantine, but for some reason, I could no longer access my blogger account)

Activities: sleeping, eating, reading, facebooking, skyping, gossiping, gaming, TV viewing. Repeat. Oh – and thinking. Thinking about home. Thinking about friends. Thinking about family. Thinking about love. Thinking. As if I didn’t have an overactive mind to start with, I certainly didn’t need 24-7 freedom to allow my mind to roam. The best thing about all the traveling has been constant entertainment and challenges. It had been so long since I had felt stimulated. But Japan & Bali and teacher training all helped me re-engage my brain in a productive manner.

Now it’s starting to atrophy again. I have so much time on my hands that I find myself doing very little. I could be doing more yoga. I could be reading more. Mostly, I sit here and stew about the life I left behind. I love Portland almost to an unnatural extent. I love my friends. I love Mike.

I already know that I will never have the affection for Korea that I have for the northwest. That’s not why I came here though. I didn’t expect to fall in love with the country and decide to stay forever. I expected to try a new career, discover a difficult culture, and escape bad relationship patterns – essentially challenge myself to grow professionally and personally.

Now I’m seriously pondering the prospect of running back home. I need someone to talk me off the ledge. What would I find? No apartment. No car. No job. No money. No certainty of relationship. I know that. I would still just be running in circles – spinning around the same problems with no resolution. The only reasonable solution is to stay in Korea – fight off the doubts. I’m not always a reasonable person. We’ll see how the next few days go.